Asking questions of others

By Rev. Andy Fleming, Associate Chaplain

I recently had a surprising and meaningful conversation with my neighbour. It was unexpected because I didn’t know him. I had initially approached him about my frustration over his smoking, which was drifting through my open windows. I felt wronged and my sense of injustice was supported by my family and friends. In fact, I had even taken steps to see if there were laws that could force him to change his behaviour.

After a couple of months of deciding how to approach my neighbour, my son offered the most straightforward advice – just go and speak to him. It turned out to be great advice. The judgement and frustration I had been carrying immediately dissolved. My neighbour, unaware that his smoke was drifting into my windows, was not only apologetic but also suggested that he could call out to give me time to close my windows. There was none of the animosity or pushback that I had expected and feared. Instead, we had a pleasant and cooperative exchange. Now, whenever he comes outside, I hear him call out "Andy", and I know to close my windows.

The other night, when my neighbour called out, I asked how he was going and mentioned I hadn’t heard him call out much over the past two weeks. He told me that he was trying to quit smoking and finding it challenging due to the work culture he is part of. As we chatted, I learned more about my neighbour, and we now have a friendly connection.

This interaction reminded me of the memorable darts scene from the TV show, Ted Lasso, where Ted quotes Walt Whitman, “Be curious, not judgemental.” It’s easy to fall into a judgemental mindset when we don’t understand someone else’s situation. This is where asking questions can help us to gain a better perspective. And, as I discovered with my neighbour, the potential to develop a positive relationship that enriches life.

This experience offers an important lesson for our students: to use their natural curiosity about the world to ask questions when they don’t understand something, rather than jumping to conclusions. By encouraging them to be curious and open, we can help them see the potential for positive outcomes when they take the time to understand others.

Asking questions encourages us to leave behind our prejudices and fears and simply get to know others. A respectful and cooperative community grows as we gain a better understanding and appreciation of each other.

A prayer for peace and harmony - adapted from the Sisters of Mercy

Good and gracious God,
who loves and delights in all people,
we pray that you would provide us
with the courage we need to interact positively
with those who are different from ourselves.

Differences among cultures and races are
multi-coloured manifestations of your light.
May our hearts and minds be open to celebrate
similarities and differences among our sisters and brothers.
May our decisions be thoughtful and our actions kind
that we might live in loving harmony with others.
We ask these prayers in Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Go in peace,
Rev. Andy